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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Was I some kind of "sex fiend?" Well, yeah, to be honest about it but only in the sense that I loved to have sex - it was just a thing that I wasn't all that picky about who I had it with male or female. I didn't matter to me whether I was eating and fucking pussies or sucking dicks and fucking asses or being fucked. It was sex. It was fun. It all made me feel good to be able to have sex and even more when there were a whole lot of guys moaning and groaning about not being able to get laid and even if they liked dick; they were, as I'd find out, being too picky about it and I'd often find myself sitting around and listening to them being rather proud about themselves about all the dick they were turning down because of this, that, or the other... but also complaining and whining about not being able to get any dick.

I felt good that I wasn't one of those guys; I was getting all the dick I could handle because I made it so damned easy to get it but, yeah, I would say no... I just didn't say it a whole lot. Even as I got older and HIV/AIDS hit the scene, I knew I had to be careful and more selective... but it was still any guy who wanted to as long as he was healthy and, something new I came up with, not my idea of being an asshole. I still didn't care if the guy was white, Black, orange or whatever... but if he had an uncut dick, well, shit; okay, the cock sucker in me wasn't going to be happy about that and I knew that my problem with it was... just me and something I'd have to learn to not bother me as much as it did.

Didn't matter if he was short, tall, fat, skinny, humongous dick or a small one. It was dick and dick equaled sex and sex was not only good but damned good. Gay men would give me fits because they usually wanted more from me than I was willing to give and even after I'd eventually fall in love with a white, very effeminate gay man; we could be friends, could even be occasional sex partners, but the "I want you to be my boyfriend!" thing? Wasn't feeling that a whole lot and, no, there's no way you're gonna convince me to give up the pussy I love so much and you're not ever gonna make me believe that I'm really gay.

No, I don't give a fuck how big your dick is; does it work? Is it healthy? Okay, at least we got that out of the way. And while I knew that I grew up being a slut when it came to dicks, I was okay with it because, again, I was getting more dick than I knew what to do with while other guys like me were barely getting some because they cared about some shit that I just didn't give a fuck about... except those damned uncut dicks... and I'd eventually - and "all late and wrong" - get over my issues with an uncut dick and I did feel more... complete and whole once I got that taken care of.

What kind of guy to I like? Any guy who is of legal age to have sex with me, who's clean and healthy, and who isn't my idea of an asshole. I came to understand that there are guys who won't and can't pass my "asshole test" and it's okay that they fail. Younger than myself? Older? Never mattered and still doesn't as long as they're legal and all that. White? Chinese? Whatever? Means nothing to me and, no, it doesn't bother me one bit to look at a guy and not start drooling over him... well, unless he's gonna let me play with his dick - then he's got my attention.

It's just the way I am; it's the way I learned to be. It's why I've had so much sex with men because I don't go out of my way to find reasons not to; I want to blow them (more than anything else these days) and I want them to blow me so it just makes sense to make being able to do this easier than to make it harder.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Earl and I wound up back in his bedroom and there we were on his bed, locked into a serious 69 that included fingers being used to fuck each other's holes... but I was distracted because the things that made such a difference to him didn't make much of a difference to me. For the first time between us, dicks replaced fingers in each other's butts and him for the first time but for me, seriously old news.

I laid under him, feeling his weight on me and his dick being shoved into me with some... urgency and in my mind, who he was didn't make any difference to me but being able to have his dick in my ass was all that I really cared about and more so when, duh, we didn't have a beef with each other. It felt like he'd busted the biggest nut he ever did in my ass and it felt gloriously "nasty..." but it always did and no matter who was fucking me and if I really "noticed" anything, it was how comfortable his dick felt in me.

It took some doing to get my dick into him but we managed it and as I gently fucked him he asked me, "So it can feel this good even if the guy is white or whatever?"

"Yeah," I said. "It really doesn't matter to me all that much."

"Even with some old dude?" he asked.

"Still doesn't matter a whole lot," I said, feeling my dick starting to get fatter in Earl's ass. He moaned, I groaned and cussed and exploded inside him and that part of my brain that never gets affected by anything took note that cumming in my friend's ass felt just as good as any other guy's ass I had cum in and, no, when he had cum inside me, there was only the fact that it felt good that he creamed me.

Why would anything else really matter? Back in the old neighborhood, sure - the word had gotten around that if you wanted to do it with a guy, just come and find me and I'd be more than happy... and it was clear that was very much more than happy to suck them until they came or to have them fucking my ass until they came. I was really understanding that it wasn't the guy so much... but the sex? That's what mattered the most to me and it just "made sense" to me - and in ways that I really didn't understand - that if I liked it as much as I obviously did, saying no a whole lot to any guy didn't make a lot of sense even though, sure - sometimes, letting a guy do it to me wasn't always thought of as such a great idea but, okay - it happened and that's a good thing because it could have not happened... and there's no fun in not getting any dick at all.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]As it turned out, I wouldn't find the answer to that question for another ten or twelve years in the future and even then, yeah - it made sense to be more discerning in this but made no sense to eliminate or disqualify guys like so many other dudes were doing so it was still any guy who wanted to... as long as they were okay with me... except any guy with an uncut dick - still wasn't going to give him a blow job and he might have to settle for being jerked off since I saw the sense in not letting "everybody" get into my ass and as I'd done as a matter of course and fact.

I'd hooked up with Earl again a few days later and as we walked and talked he asked me if I'd ever done it with a guy who wasn't Black and I said that, sure, I had; what's the big deal? He got this look of... loathing on his face and asked me why I'd do it with a white guy and it took me a moment to process the question and to understand what he was getting at and more so when racial tensions in the city were just beginning to ease after being dangerously high. To answer his question, I just said, "They have dicks like every other guy does so why turn them down because they're white or whatever?"

"So, if I was a white guy, we'd still do it?" he asked.

"Sure, as long as we were okay with each other," I said. "I know, if nobody else does, that white dicks get hard, shoot sperm, and get soft just like any other dick and, to be kinda honest, some white guys are more fun to do it with."

He asked me if white guys (or any guy who wasn't Black) was better and I said no - it wasn't about who was better but it was about being willing to do it to each other that really mattered. Earl kept giving me the third degree about the different kinds of guys I'd done it with and there was a couple of things about that. One was he was starting to piss me off with all of these questions... and it was making me very damned horny and it was obvious it was doing the same thing to him.

"My parents raised me not to discriminate against someone unless they did something to me to piss me off," I said. "So, no - I didn't care what color the guy was or what he looked like or anything else and as long as he was okay with me, there was no reason not to have sex with them. Their dicks taste and feel good just like anybody else's."

He looked at me like I'd lost my mind and asked, "So, really - any guy? No matter what?"

"Yes," I said.

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"No, it doesn't - should it?" I felt good being able to say that because after a few days of kinda beating myself up for being so eager and easy, I realized that there was no reason for me to feel bad about letting or wanting any guy who wanted to do it, do it, well, as long as my instincts didn't tell me it would be a bad idea.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I spent the rest of the day thinking about myself in this and pretty much accepting that I'd been running around having sex with any guy who wanted to because having sex was the greatest thing since sliced bread... or anything else that had ever been invented and because it was so forbidden, that made doing it even more fun. It wasn't that I didn't care that it was a bad thing to or that I didn't know that it was because I did know and I did kinda care... and not a hell of a lot. So there was no way in hell I could ever say that I didn't know what I was doing.

When a guy finds out how good it can be to get some dick, he can just go off the reservation to keep getting more; I saw this in myself early on and in my friends and other guys... but I didn't really pay it any real attention because I was too hyped and focused on being able to get all the dick I could and to keep the fun of it going and it was even more exciting to know and meet other guys who were just as "cock crazy" as I was. I knew that this... insanity wasn't just something that went on where I lived; it was "everywhere" in the city and I had learned that it was "everywhere" whenever I'd go out of state somewhere and, well, some guys were crazier than others and that wasn't a bad thing.

Why would I want, let, or allow anyone with a dick have sex with me? Why not do what a lot of guys were now doing and being very picky about who they did it with? I reasoned that I was the way I was about it because to not be that way wasn't a lot of fun. There were times when I'd tell a guy that I didn't want to do it or, yeah, sometimes tell that lie that I'd never done it with a guy and didn't want to; either I just didn't feel like it or, as I'd later understand, there was just something about him that "told" me that doing something with him would be a huge mistake and I had long since learned to trust my gut instincts.

Otherwise, why not? I didn't care if the guy was white, Black, "Puerto Rican," short, tall, fat, skinny, ugly or good looking, older than me, way older than me, my age, or even a bit younger and being related to me somehow didn't mean a damned thing.

After I left Earl, I wandered around thinking about all of this and I had an epiphany; it hit me that while I was probably right to be thinking the way I was thinking, there wasn't a damned thing I could do about whatever I'd already done and I have to admit that in the moment that hit me, it was such a revelation that, um, I actually walked into a phone pole and gave myself a bloody nose for my lack of attention. I found myself sitting in my room with a sore nose and asking myself if it would be to my... benefit to be like other guys were being an only let certain guys get into my underwear. One part of my mind said that would be a good thing... and another part was asking, "What would be the point in that? Why would you want less dick when you're so used to getting more dick?"[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]I didn't start being picky about the guys I had sex with until I was in my mid-20s; otherwise, it was any guy who wanted to do whatever as long as it wasn't something I knew I didn't like and the only exception I had was for guys with uncut dicks; could barely stand to touch them for a hand job, wasn't going to suck them no matter what and the best they could hope for was they'd get to "hide" their ugly dick in my ass where I couldn't see it.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I didn't really start thinking about my... eagerness for sex with guys until I was 13; I was talking to a guy and we were talking about sucking dicks and when he had told me that he had only sucked maybe ten guys, it made me think of how many guys I had sucked and, in particular, how eager and, shit, easy it was for guys to get me to suck them or be fucked by them. The guy I had been talking to said I was one lucky motherfucker and while I half-heartedly kinda said that I was, now I was thinking that maybe luck didn't have anything to do with it and whatever was really involved may or may not have done me any favors.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]It wasn't that I felt bad about any of it or that I had regrets; that conversation just put it in my head that [/FONT][I]maybe[/I][FONT=verdana] I shouldn't have been so gung-ho about this and I was beginning to understand that some of the the many guys I'd been with mistook my eagerness for being naïve and gullible - and I was neither of those things.

I just liked dick. A lot. Well, not the uncut ones so much but they'd feel good in my butt.

The guy I'd been talking to - let's call him Earl - went off to blow each other and as many times as we could manage; in between, he was talking about the kind of guys he liked doing it with and he was rather proud that not everyone could get a piece of him and it had me thinking about myself being the complete opposite and how much I didn't care about the things Earl was telling me he cared about. I'd said as much to him and he got this look on his face that, even today, I couldn't make sense of; it was surprise and maybe something other than that and whatever it was probably wasn't nice.

For the first time in my life, I really did feel like a slut and it didn't make me feel any better to have this thought in my head... while being a slut about sucking Earl's dick and rejoicing every time he shot his load into my mouth. After the third time creaming each other's tonsils, we sat and debated on whether we could go one more time before his people got home and he had said, "Now I understand why you've had way more dick that I have - and we're the same age!"

Yeah... I understood it, too, and now much better than I had before Earl and I started talking... and it made me second-guess my actions. We did go a fourth time and while neither of us produced any sperm, it still felt good and because I knew it did, it brought other thoughts to my mind and thoughts that, until now, I never really paid any attention to.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I maintain that if you want to know why - and then know why it's so hard to put into words, do this: Suck a dick and let a guy suck yours. Let the cum flow. Taste it. Feel it. Spit it out or swallow it. Just do whatever you gotta do to find out what myself and so many other cock sucking dudes have learned.

Not only what it's like... but how hard it is to explain it. Chance are that I know more about this than anyone would really care to know but that's just the way I am; I very much needed to know why something that was supposed to be so goddamned bad felt so goddamned good and I found out why it does... just don't ask me to explain it in great detail - I've never been able to explain it totally and completely without sounding like an idiot... but I do know why. I know that anyone who suck cock knows why it is the way it is for them and why they can't ever get enough.

Men suck cock and get sucked by other men... because it can be done. Both things feel very damned good. It's exciting and so very addictive to have a guy's cock in your mouth and then feeling it pumping his load of spunk into your mouth and then swallowing it because there really is something indescribably erotic about consuming the essence of a man. Does it scare me? Worry me? No, it doesn't and I do know the risks and the simplest way to avoid them: When in doubt, just leave the dick alone; just walk away from it.

The only thing that's better than sucking dick is eating pussy and I even know why that is... just don't ask me to explain it. If you can't accept that I suck dick because I can and because I absolutely love doing it and as the very simple reasons, then I don't know what to tell you except maybe you need to suck a dick so you can know like I do and including how fucking hard it is to speak to the why of it. Men suck cock because we can suck cock; it's the way it's always been and the way it will always be. Any man can suck a dick [B]if[/B] he wants to and the reason why he'd want do, at the end of the day, doesn't really matter as long as it makes sense to him. He's either gonna get hooked on it... or he won't. Simple. What else does anyone really need to know about it?[/SIZE][/FONT]