[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]Sometimes the dares got... interesting in that the guy putting the dare on the table would dare me or someone else to do it with a guy who, usually, hadn't done it with another boy yet. I was hanging with a guy and his brother and the guy dared me to let his brother suck my dick; a quick glance at the brother reveal that, oh, yeah, he was ready to do it so accepting the dare - after some fake thought - was easy... but sometimes, the brother would be put on the spot and now he's the one who's doing the real thinking and, I think, mostly about why his brother wanted him to suck dick or take in the ass.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]Sometimes they'd decline and understandably so but I would wonder about the nature of the dare and figured out that the brother putting the dare on the table really wanted to do it to his brother... and that was the only way to get him introduced or, I guess, set the table for the daring brother to do it to his sibling.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]I'd later understand the concept of peer pressure and daring someone to do something sexual was the way to apply that pressure; it was a lot more... palatable than to tell someone to do it... or else and when they weren't of a mind to do anything like that. I do think, however, that exploring this aspect of sex was a very big deal and the dare would be used to, let's say, spread the excitement or just a silly kind of way to let one guy know that the dare was really another guy saying that he wanted to have sex.[/FONT] [FONT=verdana]I guess the thing that made it so silly to me was that within our group, no dare or other pressure was needed and more so when we'd deliberately veto other and non-sexual things we could do in favor of getting naked and busting nuts with each other until it couldn't be done again.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I look back at the early days of my sexual and sexuality journey and I remember so much of that time and how... silly a lot of boys were in that they knew they wanted to do it with another boy but would disguise it by daring guys to do this or that. We "dared" each other... a lot. When the dares first got started among us, I thought it was fun but after the first few times, eh, I had to ask myself why we kept playing the dare game when whoever was there was gonna take on the dare? It made sense whenever we'd get some new kid who wanted to hang out with us and some would take on the dare (and with great glee) while others would beg off and that would very likely be the last time they'd want to hang out with us. We pretty much lived to have sex with each other and the drive to do it was... powerful beyond belief. We were all hooked on it but we'd still dare each other to do something that we knew we wanted to do. I'd be with one of my horny friends and we'd both know that we wanted to do it to each other and, sometimes, the proposition would come in the form of the dare: I dare you to suck my dick or I dare you to let me stick it in you or I dare you to cum in my mouth/ass - silly stuff like that. Just playing a game? Probably. Occasionally - and when I'd make a new friend - I eventually learned to expect and anticipate the dare because they didn't know if I liked it with boys (and provided they didn't ask The Question first); then I'd find myself faking like I was leery about accepting the dare and maybe they could see I was faking at being reluctant? I guess it didn't matter because I'd take a few long minutes acting like I was seriously thinking about it - then accept the dare and the nasty fun would commence.[/SIZE][/FONT]
So I guess I should post a little of my history on here and as succinct as possible. I am a 44-year-old married crossdresser trying to explore some of my bi-curious tendencies. I have been married to my wife for almost 20 years now but we have been together for over 23. I told my wife I was a crossdresser about 5 months into dating her because I was so afraid that if I waited too long and she found out it would be over, as you can tell she took it better than expected. Fast forward 10 years or so and I tell her I am very bi-curious and that leads to me talking about it (a lot) as a form of bedroom talk and not much further than that. 2 weeks ago I finally admitted I really want to be with a man to at least satisfy my curiosity or if I like it to have someone I can be with, the wife agrees and here we are now. If you want to know something, send me a message and I will be more than happy to chat about pretty much anything. Thanks for reading. Cynthia
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I realized that when it came to justification, I didn't have one because I didn't think I needed one other than that which was - or should be - pretty obvious. I also realized that maybe there was "something wrong" with me because I didn't have some kind of justification or the kind someone else might expect. Ask me today how I justify it and my answer is... I don't. I don't have to and because I've never needed to outside of the fact that I've been doing it damned near all of my life. No reason other than I like doing it. Wanted to do it. Needed to do it. Had no qualms about any of it. Totally and completely shameless about it and, importantly to me, zero guilt. And maybe that was because I learned and knew that everything they said about not doing it was, again, pure bullshit. Just a way to make me have sex the way "they" said was the only way... and I knew it wasn't so perhaps with the way my mind works, there's no need to justify supporting a lie and, even more so, something I truly believed was something normal and natural. And having sex is normal and natural. What other justification is needed or required? So what if one form of the sex I enjoy is cock sucking and having another guy sucking on my dick? Is justification really required? I didn't think so then... and I don't now. I'm alive. I'm male. I love sex. What else do you want to know that would serve as justification?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]All grown up now... and I still don't feel that I need - or needed - any other justification for my sexual behavior other than "because I can and I want to" or "It's sex - what justification do you need to have sex?" I knew, then and now, how forbidden this was/is... and I didn't give a fuck that it was because I learned why it was/is forbidden... and called bullshit on it. I learned what was good and bad about it and the bad part was usually the other guy I'd have sex with and, well, yeah - some guys are just assholes and a sentiment I've heard many a woman utter. I didn't have to have sex like this if I didn't want to and if I didn't want to, I didn't. But I pretty much always did... because it was sex. Forbidden sex. Nasty sex. Even illegal sex but to that end - and as I learned when I was in the service - it's only illegal if you get caught... and I did get caught once. It was the only time that I didn't get a chance to explain, defend, or even "justify" myself. Even then, when I would later think about how I might have explain, defend, or justify things, I realized that I could have explained it well enough... but justify it? I'd laugh to myself to think that my answer to that would have been, "Because we both wanted to..." and that answer would have resulted in the ass-kicking I didn't get given the nature of the "crime" of not only having sex with another boy but getting caught dick-deep in my own brother's behind. What other justification was needed other than that's what we both wanted and needed to do... so that's what we did? But here's the "funny" part...[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]He even offered me more money to "fuck" me and I accepted but when I thought back about that moment, shit - I would have let him do it "for free." What was the justification? I really can't say except it sounded like a good idea... and maybe I wasn't even thinking like that... and maybe it was the money? Don't really know... didn't really care. When he wedged the knob of his dick against my butthole, it was weird but it felt good, too - and way better than the many times I'd had a rectal thermometer stuck up my butt (but I'd realize later that it didn't really feel that bad to have my temperature taken that way). He didn't try to put it in me but I felt just a bit of it go in, making it hurt just a little - then he came again and if having his dick in my mouth got me hooked, feeling that warm, sticky stuff between my butt cheeks sealed the deal. Was there any need to justify it? Again, I never gave it any thought until the day that guy asked the question. Did I need any justification? And what justification did I need beyond the sure fact that I liked it and wanted more of it? Did I like doing it with boys? You bet your ass I did! Sucking their dicks, being fucked by them; tasting their sperm (when they could do that) and feeling it being shot into my butt and that felt even better since my friends could easily get their dicks into me and all the way in. It was good. It was bad. It was nasty. What other justification was - or is - needed? I reasoned that I didn't need a reason other than if they wanted to do it, I wanted to, too. Any time. Anywhere. Anything. One on one or a bunch of us getting together and doing it to each other like it was illegal... and it was... and I didn't care. It was sex or, really, more sex since I was having just as much fun eating pussy and fucking it and filling it with my cum. The justification? Does "just because" work?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Sure, I'd have to explain my dual sexuality to others and I got good at explaining it; it didn't matter if they understood it or not so much. Sometimes I'd be told that I had no real or good reason to have sex in this manner and I'd beg to differ because if there was a real and good reason, it's because it could be done and I liked doing it. Maybe not as much as I enjoyed sex with women but I enjoyed it just the same... because sex is supposed to be enjoyed and enjoyable. Was that justification? Probably and probably not in the sense we tend to think justification should look like. I even thought that I didn't have any... justification in the acceptance sense because I didn't have to make a "life or death" decision or it didn't feel that way to me when I was... indecently proposed. I realized that I could say that I did it for the money but that was, I'd learn, only partially true and that I accepted the proposal because I wanted to but, yeah, the offer of money didn't hurt one bit. Was that justification? I guess it was but I'd never thought about having to justify my actions in this. Explain it? Yes. Defend it? Absolutely. Justify it? Never. He proposed it, I said yes and I enjoyed it; if sex with a girl was an eye-opening experience, having my dick experience was even more so. Was I afraid? I don't believe I was or if I was, I didn't notice it or pay any attention to it. Took me a few years to get my head around it and I saw that I had two things on my mind first and foremost: The money in my pants pocket... and that "big" hard ding-dong that was being guided into my mouth. I was hooked the instant it slipped between my lips. The taste. The feel. The kinda sweet/musky scent wafting from his crotch. And when he came and I swallowed out of self-defense - it was that or wind up choking on it - if I wasn't hooked before, that sealed the deal. It was good and in every way I understood the word to mean. I'd later learn that the only thing better was licking and sucking a girl's pussy.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]A guy had confessed his interest in men to me and, um, he allowed me to introduce him to the world of male cock sucking. His introduction took a while to complete with the both of us left sweaty, drained, and quite satisfied; he had expressed both his delight and surprise over getting blown by a guy could be so good and that sucking cock - and swallowing sperm - could be so heady and intense. At this point and in the many times I've given a guy this introduction, I expect questions and he didn't disappoint me... but he did surprise me by asking, "How do you justify doing this?" The question took me by surprise; I've been asked why I have sex with men but I'd never had anyone ask me this particular question and I had to really think of an answer to it and starting with asking myself how I justified it... and discovered that it was quite possible that I never really had to do that. From my first experience, I just accepted that this was some good and exciting sex to be having and if there was a justification, it was simply that it was good even though I'd been told that it was very, very bad. I told the guy, after some long minutes of thought, "I guess I just told myself that it was really okay; I never really thought about having to justify things with myself." Going forward, it made me think about justification and I learned that humans have an ability to justify anything that they might do - there's always a reason to do something and that reason somehow makes it okay to do it even when, in this case, you know good and damned well that you have no business having sex with other guys and enjoying it and more so when I knew that I could get into a world of trouble for it. What was my reason? It happened... and I loved it. That's it. What I had to figure out was why I loved it so much and it took me a whole lot of years to figure that out: I loved it because it was sex. Not the kind of feelings to, say, see a girl and feeling some kind of way about her. I had lot of friends who were guys and in all manner of shapes, sizes, colors, etc., and we were cool or we weren't that cool but I realized that I wasn't [I]that[/I] interested in guys until/unless they expressed an interest in having sex. They'd have my attention at that point.[/SIZE][/FONT]
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