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i'm in kind of a weird mood today felt like letting my emotions write a fantasy for me. not necessarily what i want just some thoughts that are turning me on right now. might not feel like this @ all tomorrow.

i can't wait to be with a hot guy, slowly get naked for him, have him put his arms around me tell me how attractive i am, how desirable i am, how he wants to make me his, how much he wants to make love to me. then move forward & put his lips on mine. then he slowly strips naked too. i've got so many different intense confusing feelings going on. i'm so nervous i've never done this before. this is so new & i'm still kinda unsure. plus this is still kinda taboo enjoying the touch of another man. in some ways i never thought i would ever get to this point. but i have been thinking about this day & wanting it for a long time & it's high time to have this experiance. the pleasure, the lust i'm feeling for my new same sex lover is overtaking my inhibitions & i can't deny this feels so good, so right & i allow myself to accept sexual pleasure from a man. i realize who i really am. i admit my bisexuality, in fact i'm real happy about it! for years i have let myself & society deny these feelings, somehow fooling me into thinking this is wrong. but i see the truth clear as a bell. this is not wrong. this is who i am. i like guys too & today i declare sexual independence! i feel so free in his arms, like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. now it's time to move forward on this new road that is available to me that has allways really been available to me. i look in his eyes with a determined look. i pause for awhile then say i never thought i would be saying this to another guy but tonite i offer myself to u, mind body & soul. i want u to take me completely. and that is what he does for the rest of the nite. by surrendering myself to him i am able to experiance a new passion, so intense i could never have even imagined it before. i am firmly convinced i have made the right decision. my only regret is i didn't experiance this sooner in life because i really like it! but @ least now i am familiar with a new pleasure in life. i wish every man could have such an experiance. eventually we get tired. the nite ends with little kisses on each other's lips, cheeks, neck. we snuggle up in each other's arms with big smiles on our faces & fall asleep. when i wakeup the next morning i slowly realize there is a man in my bed & we're both naked. the homosexual intimacy from last nite suddenly comes to mind. a wave of shock goes through me when i realize i have gone all the way with a guy including the ultimate act of a man's submission to another man. i am no longer the person i was yesterday when all of this was just in my mind. i have crossed that line into a new identity. i look @ him & say u were wonderfull last nite! he smiles. then i say thank u for making me a man, he says ur welcome. then our lips meet again. after they slide off each other he lets i love u slip out, but his eyes tell me he's being sincere & he doesn't regret admitting it to me. even though i have gone farther than i had ever imagined i was not prepared to hear that. i have been working on allowing myself to enjoy a nite of forbidden pleasure but i never pictured myself going beyond sexual enjoyment & falling for a guy. i'm in a weird position emotionally right now. i can't undo him being in me last nite so there's no going back. i was now fully bisexual by experiance. but going forward doesn't look like a possibility either. i never counted on the fact he could challenge me to take our intimate encounter beyond sex into deep emotional connection. it's a place i never wanted to go near. i start to think about the whole situation. last nite's experiance made me grow as a person. i now have a new awareness. this is helping me make sense of this new development. he brought out new & wonderfull feelings in me last nite. because of that we now have a deep emotional bond. no matter if we get dressed & go to the courthouse right now & get married like we can in this state (yay gay rights!) or we part ways & never see each other again. but the fact of the matter is last nite we were 1 & had a closeness that could not ever be undone. i'm beginning to realize i just gotta keep going forward & against everything i have built myself up as my whole life i see this feels right. i have a moment of serenity & confess i love u too.

if u read my blog u know i'm bicurious. sometimes i could care less about guys, but sometimes like right now it's all i can think of so i'm just kinda gonna write what i would like to happen right now. just a fantasy. u approach me & ask me to turn around for u. then u lean over to my ear & whisper gently but firmly "takeoff ur cloths." the thought of offering a site of my naked body to a guy who might appreciate it on a sexual level is kinda scary but real exciting! with hands shaking i start to takeoff my cloths, i get more nervous the closer i get to my underwear. before i know it i'm down to my underwear. i look @ u with a desparate look as if to ask u if ur sure u want everything off. u look back with a look that confirms the answer & u flash a small smile to let me know it's ok & cause ur really gonna enjoy seeing all of me. so i pull my underwear off & there i am completely naked for u, hoping it will make ur desire for my flesh grow. u take me to the wall & press me against it while u massage the back of my body. i can feel ur breath get louder & ur touch get deeper. now u start to take ur cloths off too. when u turn me around u are as naked as me. we stand a little bit apart from each other while we look @ each other's bodies. then we stare into each other's eyes. i can feel my heart pound in my chest. this is still kinda forbidden so i feel the thrill of that, but it also feels so right, i have been thinking about this for such a long time. i think of everything i can expect to happen & it excites me more. i have never been so excited & aroused to try something with some1 else. then almost awkwardly i get closer & our chests touch & so do our erections. i tell u in a quiet voice i really enjoy being here with u & tonite i wanna give myself to u & have my 1st homosexual experiance with u. we put our arms around each other, then i close my eyes & i feel u put ur lips on mine. i can still turn back but right now u got me so turned on i kiss back deeper & deeper. my eyes are closed. i wrap my legs around u while getting ready to go on a new & exotic journey of pleasure & satisfaction with u. tonite i give u not only my body but all of me. i open myself up to u so u can give me the pleasure only another man understands.