i have been thinking about my romantic situation alot lately, more than usual, or the lack of it. i know i have claimed to have some kinda interest in the same sex but i wonder if my interest is genuine? i have had very bad luck with the opposite sex so maybe my interest in the same sex is a way to get my mind off of things while still fullfilling some of my needs. maybe add some kinda excitement in my life. u have gotta admit, going against ur sexual orientation can give u some excitement lol. but i don't know if experementing with a guy would make things ne better, in fact i'm afraid it might make things worse. once it's over i'm alone & i see more clearly & strongly what it is i'm missing from my life. i picture myself on my deathbed thinking about missed opportunities. when it comes to homosexual activity i think it would of been nice to try it out in my lifetime even if it was just a learning experiance, some regrets. but the regrets would not be nearly as big as never having been in a close relationship with the right women. except it wouldn't really be a regret because a regret implies u had the ability to do something & u passed it by, or vice versa u did something u could of not done. with the persuit of women i feel totally powerless so i can't do a damn thing about it neways. it's something i desperately wish above all else i had some kinda clue about. most people figure somethings out by there 30's, i have not. i feel there is something very wrong with my life.
last night i was thinking about how i have been so unsuccessfull with women & i began to think about my curiosities with guys. sometimes i think i have got these curiosities as a way to deal with the lack of female attention in my life & try & have some kinda excitement in my life, but what if it's the other way around? what i mean is, this might be something i have gotta explore & be satisfied with knowing before i can proceed with nething meaningfull with a women. i kinda pictured myself in getting to know a women knowing i have these unresolved curiosities. if i say nothing about it & go forward with being with her she might be more than enough for me & i would totally loose interest in intimacy with ne1 else. but my fear is that curiosity would never go away & as i have thought about it more over the years i'm getting more convinced that would be likely. when i 1st started to get bicurious years ago it would last awhile & then it would go away, each time i thought it was just a phase & it would be the last time. but as time went on & i accepted having such different feelings i began to accept that those feelings would come back. it's unlikely marriage would supress these feelings. so how could i go into a deep comitted relationship with a women with this curiosity that's nagging me & be @ peace? i'm restless enough about it while being single lol. from another viewpoint what if i was getting closer with a girl & she revealed the same kinda unresolved curiosities? of course i would encourage her to find herself & be open to a new experiance, but of course it would probably hinder our relationship & possibly threaten us growing apart. so why would i open myself to getting involved with a girl & say oh by the way i wonder what it would be like to bed a guy or worse bury those desires deep down? i have gotta get this in order 1st & be @ peace before i can open myself to deep involvement with a girl. plus most guys i have talked too about this love it, but some didn't like it @ all. but none of them said they regretted trying. they say something like to get something u have never had u have gotta do something u have never done. it looks like it's clear what i have gotta do. now the problem like it has been, is how to look for the right kinda guy?
if u read my blog u know i'm bicurious. sometimes i could care less about guys, but sometimes like right now it's all i can think of so i'm just kinda gonna write what i would like to happen right now. just a fantasy. u approach me & ask me to turn around for u. then u lean over to my ear & whisper gently but firmly "takeoff ur cloths." the thought of offering a site of my naked body to a guy who might appreciate it on a sexual level is kinda scary but real exciting! with hands shaking i start to takeoff my cloths, i get more nervous the closer i get to my underwear. before i know it i'm down to my underwear. i look @ u with a desparate look as if to ask u if ur sure u want everything off. u look back with a look that confirms the answer & u flash a small smile to let me know it's ok & cause ur really gonna enjoy seeing all of me. so i pull my underwear off & there i am completely naked for u, hoping it will make ur desire for my flesh grow. u take me to the wall & press me against it while u massage the back of my body. i can feel ur breath get louder & ur touch get deeper. now u start to take ur cloths off too. when u turn me around u are as naked as me. we stand a little bit apart from each other while we look @ each other's bodies. then we stare into each other's eyes. i can feel my heart pound in my chest. this is still kinda forbidden so i feel the thrill of that, but it also feels so right, i have been thinking about this for such a long time. i think of everything i can expect to happen & it excites me more. i have never been so excited & aroused to try something with some1 else. then almost awkwardly i get closer & our chests touch & so do our erections. i tell u in a quiet voice i really enjoy being here with u & tonite i wanna give myself to u & have my 1st homosexual experiance with u. we put our arms around each other, then i close my eyes & i feel u put ur lips on mine. i can still turn back but right now u got me so turned on i kiss back deeper & deeper. my eyes are closed. i wrap my legs around u while getting ready to go on a new & exotic journey of pleasure & satisfaction with u. tonite i give u not only my body but all of me. i open myself up to u so u can give me the pleasure only another man understands.
Hello my name is theresa, I am a new member and have a problem and need immediate advice, I've only talked to my cousin about it and she has malice against the situationI've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a halfwe had a rocky relationship so far good and bad times things have happened throughout the relationship he's been abusive to me verbally and physically but I lve hi even before that but I just found out something yesterdayand don't know exactly how to deal with it I approach them about it and he beat me repeatedly and denied it but I know what I foundI told him that I know that that's the reason that he's been taking his anger out on me because he's fighting with himself but its 2014 in the world is different now it seems that he goes on Craigslist for sexual encounters with couples, females and males(in his email it said he was atopper)not sure if he keeps denying it but it was at least 10 to 20 emails are men out of the 600 I found it appears that has been going on before He met mebut I told him he was wrong because he should be true to yourself and he should never have someone call her soon to be into a relationship on those termsmy ordeal is that he's a Jamaican and they are very harsh towards Males with that sexual preferenceon top of that he's very popular amongst the community and I've he doesn't want to let me go now and I feel that he doesn't feel that his secret safe with me I honestly do love him but I'm conflicted because I don't feel like he loves me because it's been all this time and he could have been honest with me you didn't have to be beaten up on me and doing other things he's trying to say that he was just curious and that nothing ever went anywhere but the length and the content of the email shows different I've never been in a situation like this I don't have any siblings are any parents and I by Selena myself from everyone because of him I needadvice
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