last night i was thinking about how i have been so unsuccessfull with women & i began to think about my curiosities with guys. sometimes i think i have got these curiosities as a way to deal with the lack of female attention in my life & try & have some kinda excitement in my life, but what if it's the other way around? what i mean is, this might be something i have gotta explore & be satisfied with knowing before i can proceed with nething meaningfull with a women. i kinda pictured myself in getting to know a women knowing i have these unresolved curiosities. if i say nothing about it & go forward with being with her she might be more than enough for me & i would totally loose interest in intimacy with ne1 else. but my fear is that curiosity would never go away & as i have thought about it more over the years i'm getting more convinced that would be likely. when i 1st started to get bicurious years ago it would last awhile & then it would go away, each time i thought it was just a phase & it would be the last time. but as time went on & i accepted having such different feelings i began to accept that those feelings would come back. it's unlikely marriage would supress these feelings. so how could i go into a deep comitted relationship with a women with this curiosity that's nagging me & be @ peace? i'm restless enough about it while being single lol. from another viewpoint what if i was getting closer with a girl & she revealed the same kinda unresolved curiosities? of course i would encourage her to find herself & be open to a new experiance, but of course it would probably hinder our relationship & possibly threaten us growing apart. so why would i open myself to getting involved with a girl & say oh by the way i wonder what it would be like to bed a guy or worse bury those desires deep down? i have gotta get this in order 1st & be @ peace before i can open myself to deep involvement with a girl. plus most guys i have talked too about this love it, but some didn't like it @ all. but none of them said they regretted trying. they say something like to get something u have never had u have gotta do something u have never done. it looks like it's clear what i have gotta do. now the problem like it has been, is how to look for the right kinda guy?
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