Recent Blogs Posts

Why are so many men finding their bisexual voice during their midlife? Is it a midlife crisis, the resurfacing of repressed thoughts and desires or a combination of factors?

I can only speak for myself but for me it was a combination of factors and I suspect for many it was or is the same. I can tell you one thing for sure, it's not a midlife crisis. That couldn't be further from the truth as that implies the bisexual voice wasn't there before. It was, it was just under a gag order to keep quiet.

Growing up, society expects us to conform to a heterosexual stereotype to fit in, to avoid ostracizing and the associated stigma that comes with being different so when most of us hit puberty we act as society expects to avoid any unpleasantry. I did, however some refuse and forge their own paths while the rest of us carry on as if everything is right as rain through our twenties and thirties.

For most, that seems fine but for some it makes them anti the very thing they are and they seem to think being anti-gay/bisexual makes them straight in the eyes of society and their lord and saviour. LOL. I had friends growing up who were vehemently opposed to gay/bisexual people only to find out years later after we lost contact that they were indeed gay and they had came out in in their late thirties or early forties. I was never anti-gay/bisexual, perhaps subconsciously I knew I was but was too afraid at the time.

My sexuality however was like a smoldering fire. The more I repressed and denied it, the more it smoldered, becoming hotter and hotter so it was always going to be a matter of time before the fire took hold and once it did, it couldn't be extinguished. Masturbation kept it in check through my teens, twenties and thirties but it was never going to be enough regardless of how much I masturbated, which was a lot. This still rings true today, it's only going to last so long before the next phase starts, physical experimentation.

This points to the fact I knew in my teens. I believe most people who discover their sexuality later in life may have known from a young age too. Controversial comment? Yes, but I do struggle to see how one day someone wakes up and suddenly decides to bisexual, the tendency or curiosity surely must have been there prior. It was for me however I made that choice like so many did before me and chose not to be bisexual. Of course this is silly, I was still bisexual so the choice I was actually making was to hide it and by all accounts I was very good at hiding it or at least scooting under the radar. Some have jokingly questioned my sexuality in the past and I always said "straight as an arrow" when in fact I knew it was "straight as an arrow that can shoot around corners". I think in one case they were testing the waters. It is something I have lived to regret. I didn't choose to be sexually attracted to men, but I did choose to lie to myself and that has caused many years of guilt. Hiding/lying about your sexuality to society has become the norm, most of us feel we have too, but you should never lie to yourself, you can't, you know the answer.

Like so many on the forums, it just so happened that I was in my forties, aka, mid life when I accepted I was bisexual but the few years prior to accepting I was already exploring my sexuality through masturbation but I rationalised that it was out of boredom in my normal masturbation routine rather acknowledge a life long pattern/desire for cock. I started to explore my backdoor with toys, read about sexuality, shave my pubic region and resumed my love affair with gay porn. I also did every sexuality test I could find. The more honest I was, the hornier and harder I got. Truth will set you free or so the saying goes, however for me this lead to some of the biggest and most pleasurable orgasms in my life. My ejaculatory load is considerably more now than when I was a teenager. "Young dumb and full of cum" was a saying I heard a lot when growing up. I'm now middle aged but still full of cum, just not as dumb though the jury still out on the last one.

Initially the guilt was very strong but it felt so good and the moment I got horny nothing could stop me from lubing up my cock-shaped toy, lifting my legs and sliding my it deep inside my ass whilst watching some gay porn. Resistance was indeed futile. I'd edge for hours all the time with it buried deep inside me. Have you ever tried to urinate with an erection and a toy in your ass?

I never married, which I don't regret, so it wasn't out of a sexless marriage that made me come to my senses. For me I think it was the smoldering fire started to burn from the years or repression, denial and guilt. It just took 20 years to get to that stage where it caught fire. I enjoyed it too much and couldn't see a life without appreciating cock. I'm older and wiser and realised being bisexual is not the end of the world, but it might have been for a 20 something version of me, who lacked the reasoning, logic and just wanted to be normal.

Normal is such a subjective thing. In our formative years, normal is what everyone else says and does, in our later years, normal is what we say and do. Normal for me is liking men and women, it has been all my life. Being bisexual is normal and the best thing that has happened to me. I could of been born straight, but I was lucky. There comes a point in life where you just say enough and for many men, it seems to be in our forties. We've already lived a lie for 20 odd years, possibly half our life, done what others have expected from us and decide it's finally time we do something for ourselves and accept our sexuality.

For those who accepted their sexuality mid life, what made you accept it?

[COLOR=#000000][FONT=Tahoma]What an unexpected surprise. One of the guys I have been blowing called and wanted to stop by right then. Of course I said yes. Fifteen minutes we were naked and I was on my knees with his cock in my mouth. He loves having me be his on call cock sucker and I kove being his submissive, cum guzzling cock slut. I can still taste his cum in my mouth.[/FONT][/COLOR]

I haven't told anybody in my real life about being with men and don't intend to. However, the experiences kept circling in my head that I wanted to write my experiences being a smooth bottom in a forum.

My interest in sucking cock (and soon being a bottom came from watching nothing but deepthroat and blowbang porn. A compilation video that i would watch repeatedly really got me into it. At first it was an erotic fantasy, but the more I watched the same compilation video the more I really wanted to try it. I didn't feel 'awkward' or 'weird' for wanting to experience giving at least one blowjob, and I felt completely normal after my first time. It was more of getting a fantasy 'over with.' At that point, I also wondered what women felt like during and after they had sex. I also have no bodyhair (and especially no facial hair) when I 'cruise' around for cock, and I have a slight 'fem' persona while cruising, so I appeal to a certain kind of top. Especially those that like a round ass and nice legs.

My preference for tops are stocky/chubby men in their 40's and older. Those that have a slight goatee, and are either bald or close to being bald make the best tops for that criteria. I found this out after my first time with a top trucker, and really liked the experience. I knew how to suck his cock and got him from flaccid to hard pretty quickly.

From then, I roamed the local adult bookstores/theaters until I visited one that was next to a truckstop. Because of its location, I had great experiences, and never had trouble getting a man I wanted to bottom for to pull their cocks out for me while on my knees in front of him. Sucking their cocks really turned me on, especially when they would moan, rub my shoulders, or hold the back of my neck as I blew them. It surprised me how good I was at it for having very little experience. I had no problem putting their flaccid cocks in my mouth and making them hard.

When I tasted pre-cum seeping out of their cocks, I would stop and whisper, "Do you wanna fuck me?" with a seductive look. I would always get a 'yes,' so I would put a condom on them, stand up, pull my lower body clothes down and bend over for them. I always got my ass eaten and loved having it done. I always gotten fucked really good too, and loved when my hips would get gripped tight and pulled deeper towards their cock.

My last experience in that theater was memorable since it was the first time I had passionate sex with a top. He would tell me how sexy I am and how great my body was while I sucked his cock. He would then lift my chin up and kiss my neck multiple times. He was really into me, and I got really turned on that I just took my tights down and wanted him to fuck me. Afterwards, I felt feminine and sexy.

I haven't done anything since then because I felt that was the perfect experience to stop for a while. However, I do have fantasies of being on my knees for a blowbang in the theater, and 3-4 truckers taking turns fucking me in the back of a semi-truck. I might act on those someday.

I'm about to embark on a journey that I've been fantasizing about for years, sucking cock. I'm always thinking about it, the thought of feeling that hard meat in my hand, my mouth and my ass, just drives me crazy. My question to you all, isn't swallowing cum unsafe? Especially if you hook up with someone you don't know for a one timer? I see tons of ads of M4M where guys are asking to suck a cock and swallow cum, and although I would love it, I'm nervious to get an STD or worse. I guess I can say I do it only safe with condom, but it may not be the same, no hot jizz in my mouth, any thoughts?