To all the married bi guys out there or anyone else who wants to answer

Hi
Im happily married have been for 7 years I have had several same sex experiences over the years, but shes dead against any homosexual/bi things and if she was to find out my marrage would be over.

I love making love to other guys but I dont do it on a regular basis for fear of being caught out...... If your married how do you meet up with other guys and does your woman understand, if she doesnt how do you feel about doing it behind her back.

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Originally Posted by smithy4422

Hi
Im happily married have been for 7 years I have had several same sex experiences over the years, but shes dead against any homosexual/bi things and if she was to find out my marrage would be over.

I love making love to other guys but I dont do it on a regular basis for fear of being caught out...... If your married how do you meet up with other guys and does your woman understand, if she doesnt how do you feel about doing it behind her back.

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I wouldn't do it behind her back. I would try to be honest but if you feel this will destroy your marriage then I would try to be careful. Do it when youre on business trips. Dont leave proof on your computer. Just so you know; Doing this WILL destroy your marriage is she finds out. Over and done with! No chance of saving it.

If you tell her upfront there is a small chance that she will come around to the idea. Make her check out this site...

I told my girlfrend and she is okay with it. but we have rules I must follow and we talk openly all the time and if she were to change her mind (she isn't) i would give it up.

I hope you have read past post about this very subject, cause you will cop some shit from some people here about cheating. All I can and will say is, if you are prepared to pay the price if caught, do as you please.

Don't do it behind her back. I am one of the lucky ones that my wife understands and we have an agreement. My wife knew I was bi when we got married. I know the rules and follow them. We are honest about what happens and even then there are some adverse feelings now and then.

IF you MUST have to have sex with another guy and she does not approve get a divorce. Sooner or later you will get caught and the mess you will be in will be bad. First you will have the dishonesty with her to deal with and sooner or later it may even hit your professional life. If she does not approve and catches you do you think she will keep it a secret? You did not say if you had children or not. That will further multiply the problems. Do you think she is going to tell your kids you are a saint when you aren't around?

Standing back looking, this is watching a train wreck. You know what is going to happen but you still have to watch.

Is all that worth a little play time?

Zany

My wife knows and is also Bi so we are all good;)
But to you I say

:soapbox: DON'T "F" UP YOUR MARRAGE BY CHEATING!! IT IS NOT WORTH IT. IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY, THEN GET A DIVORCE. STOP THINKING WITH YOUR LITTLE HEAD! HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU FEEL YOU YOU FOUND HER TAKING A RIDE ON SOME GUY'S DICK?

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Hi Im happily married have been for 7 years

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"HAPPILY" THAT MEANS YOU ARE NOT FED UP FIGHTING ALL THE TIME SLEEPING IN DIFFERENT ROOMS AND ALL THAT. SO THE QUESTION IS DO YOU WANT TO GIVE UP 7YRS. OF BLISS JUST SO YOU CAN GET IT ON WITH A MAN? WOULD YOU EVER CHEAT ON HER WITH ANOTHER WOMAN? NO? WELL IT IS THE SAME DAMN THING MY FRIEND. LET ME SEE 7YEARS, STUBLEY BLOWJOB, 7YEARS, MAN ASS, 7YEARS, NO TITS TO GRAB FROM BEHIND, DESTROYING TWO LIVES, A 5SECOND BIG "O" YOU DO THE MATH :soapbox:

and with that I really do wish you the best of luck, I would try working with her and "turning" her mind. you guys like porn? find some MMF & FFM stuff that does not have ANY bi in it and very slowly ease her into the idea of two of the same sex being there at the same time, then (and I stress SLOWLY) slip some stuff with a little bi. Most folks I know have found the idea of two females touching a bit of a turn on, start there, and move into mmf. Outside of bi stuff do you two have a "try new stuff" sex life? Play, bring toys, use them on her then in time have her use them on you. Again I say work WITH her.
And with that,

NUFF SAID, JACK HAS SPOKEN!! I'M OUT!!

My experience has been it can be very difficult for married guys to find other guys to fool around with because they don't have either the time or place to play around.

It might not be too difficult if you're free to come and go from the house with no questions asked but you'll have to find someone else that has a place to play.

I've run into a number of closeted, married guys on Craigslist and the story is nearly always the same. They're nearly all closeted, even to their wives, so they're scared to death of being found out. Add to that the lack of opportunity and it's very difficult to find other guys, sometimes even just to chat with.

Cheating isn't worth it...it's not fair to your spouse (you'd probably freak out if she/he was cheating on you!) and it's not emotionally healthy for you.

I'm one of the lucky few that when I came out to my wife (I was terrified of losing her!) she was accepting of my interests, I think she might have suspected due to the way in which our lovemaking was going with toys and all.

The truth is that if you can't stand to not pursue your sexual need you either need to have the support of your spouse or you shouldn't be married. JMHO

I may be incorrect but those posters (guys) who are critical of not disclosing seem to have: a/ wife who is bisexual b/ told their wives before they married
c/ their wives accept their sexuality and desires/needs

The best advice that they have is that a man not go behind his wife or divorce her. That seems a bit of an easy solution since none of them are in the OP's position. It is easy to post get a divorce if your wife will accept your bisexuality and let you play with other men. So, what I am reading is just say something like this to your wife.

Hun. I've discovered that I'm bisexual. I know that you won't accept me having sex with another man so I want a divorce.

This doesn't seem like a very realistic expectation of another man?

I'm a straight woman and I crave sex with short men. The problem is that my husband is very tall. Therefore I think I shall seek out clandestine sexual affairs with short men because there is no way my very tall husband can meet all my desires. Of course I love him very much and don't want to lose him so my short man affairs will have to be very discreet. It simply isn't right for me to deny who I am and not seek sexual satisfaction by engaging sexually with short men. They can give me what I need and what my very tall husband can not.

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Originally Posted by tenni

Hun. I've discovered that I'm bisexual. I know that you won't accept me having sex with another man so I want a divorce.

This doesn't seem like a very realistic expectation of another man?

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It's not...his other choice is to not pursue the physical side of his bisexual orientation...or do you have another answer?

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Originally Posted by swmnkdinthervr

It's not...his other choice is to not pursue the physical side of his bisexual orientation...or do you have another answer?

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Well, that is a very important point imo. I do not have the answer because it seems that some bisexual men can weigh the possible consequences and decide not to "philander" if they believe or their wife states no ...you may not play with the boys...:(

Others and there are a few of them, seem to either be willing to gamble or there is something else going on inside them. Some men who have become aware of a same sex attraction and this only came about after marriage, can not resist the build up of wanting it. Some have had same sex experiences before marriage and considered it an experiment that they could put away. So, why tell the future wife..or maybe they even told and got an absolutely don't do it. They think that the urge(not desire) can be ignored and find out later in life that no ..they need it...want it. It becomes a stronger and stronger need until they are willing and desperately wanting same sex. Clearly, no man would go and have an extramarital affair if he knew that it would end in divorce...or would he? Well, a hell of a lot of men do it. Making simple judgmental statements do not change this.

In reality, there may very well be that there is a section of the bisexual group who absolutely need to have sex with both genders. it is as strong a sexual drive as sex itself. Just maybe. So, posters here accept a wide variety exists in bisexuality. Hell, no we won't accept dem cheaters though....:eek::bigrin:

It may be no different than having same sex activity. Lots of people will judge and condemn you for doing or even wanting that to..ya know. Is divorce the solution? Some seem to think that others should do this...but rarely (if ever) have I read that
I'm glad that I told my wife that I was divorcing her if she didn't accept me needing sew with men as well as her. I love her but I will not live with a woman who doesn't accept my bisexual needs. "
(sounds strange when written down doesn't it)

Hi, I am married. I don't know if I am going to like dick and getting dick so why would I want to bring the subject up with my wife and screw things up straight away. I would like to explore my curiosity first and see if I even like it. So I am going to keep things very discreet for now and see where it goes. My choice. Will I find the right guy I don't know. If she wants to play with a woman friend on her own time I think I would understand and not seek divorce. Would she do the same? Don't know and don't want to find out. :2cents:

As a single guy---it has not been the easiest thing to discover and explore my bi side---I am glad I wasn't married to add that into the mix.

I am hardly one to judge someone who feels he must explore his bisexual tendencies, but yet doesn't want to potentially wreck everything in his life in doing so. It must be a very hard place to be.

If you do feel that you must do this--do so with caution--find someone in basically the same situation and take your time---certainly be safe when you are with another guy.

It is probably the case that if you proceed on with more than simple steps at exploring your bi side--you will be discovered.

I guess you have to decide for yourself what course of action is best----in a best case scenario---it would probably be best to tell your wife you have such feelings--but then again--I realize that many women would say that their husband to even consider such a thing is grounds enough to leave him---so I don't know what to tell you.

I wish you and every person whether you are male or female and faced with a spouse who would not like it or accept that you have such feelings and desires all the best and that things do work out well.

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Originally Posted by tenni

I'm glad that I told my wife that I was divorcing her if she didn't accept me needing sew with men as well as her. I love her but I will not live with a woman who doesn't accept my bisexual needs. "
(sounds strange when written down doesn't it)

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That is pretty much my point, while bisexuality covers a huge range of interests honor/honesty are a pretty narrow field of application!!!

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Originally Posted by Iamsofunloving

Hi, I am married. I don't know if I am going to like dick and getting dick so why would I want to bring the subject up with my wife and screw things up straight away. I would like to explore my curiosity first and see if I even like it. So I am going to keep things very discreet for now and see where it goes. My choice. Will I find the right guy I don't know. If she wants to play with a woman friend on her own time I think I would understand and not seek divorce. Would she do the same? Don't know and don't want to find out. :2cents:

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So what's fair for the goose ain't fair for the gander??? Just asking....


I'm not judging anyone...it almost seems out of place on a site devoted to sexuality to apply yours or my sense of morality to anyone but ourselves!!! It would be very codependent of me to think I had the answer to others moral issues and even worse if I chose to express it!!!

" So what's fair for the goose ain't fair for the gander??? Just asking.... "


That would be correct.

I am in a very straight marriage and family. For me to explore openly is just not possible now. Is it public opinon for me to keep my my bi side curiosity shut off so I conform to being married and faithful? hummm...

well well,
where to start. first of all there are alot of women who will not and not understand this type of thing.
but on the other hand we as men are to, understand the lesbian thing , but yet women cant understand the bi thing,

i came out to my girlfriend, now ( wife ) 2 weeks into our realationship and told her that i was a crossdresser & that i am bi. yes there was some confusion on her part at first, then she accepted me for who and what i am. we have been happily married now for 19 years.

when we do play with others we set some rule in place & yes we both do follow them, & condoms are always a must with us both or northing will happen. we tell people that we are gonna meet that right up front. most will respest that.
yes i as the husband am bi and i do have sex with other men but only in front of my wife and in the same room. the same thing goes for my wife.

if you want to do this & your wfe not know about your bi side, then you will have to be very carefull not to leave any traces of what you are going.
i wish you all the best of luck.:bipride:

[QUOTE=Michigan_cpl;183601]well well,
where to start. first of all there are alot of women who will not and not understand this type of thing.
but on the other hand we as men are to, understand the lesbian thing , but yet women cant understand the bi thing,

i came out to my girlfriend, now ( wife ) 2 weeks into our realationship and told her that i was a crossdresser & that i am bi. yes there was some confusion on her part at first, then she accepted me for who and what i am. we have been happily married now for 19 years.

when we do play with others we set some rule in place & yes we both do follow them, & condoms are always a must with us both or northing will happen. we tell people that we are gonna meet that right up front. most will respest that.
yes i as the husband am bi and i do have sex with other men but only in front of my wife and in the same room. the same thing goes for my wife.

if you want to do this & your wfe not know about your bi side, then you will have to be very carefull not to leave any traces of what you are going.

yes my wife has played with anther women alone and i was not upset with it, i just asked her( my wife) if she ever thought about being with another women. she said hell no at first, so i left it alone for a while, then the next thing i knew, she was having sex with her ( the other women ) and it was awesome to see the lady that i care about and love come out of the closet.
yes we both have had 3 somes with both men and women. :bipride:

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Originally Posted by DarrylVanHorne

I wouldn't do it behind her back. I would try to be honest but if you feel this will destroy your marriage then I would try to be careful. Do it when youre on business trips. Dont leave proof on your computer. Just so you know; Doing this WILL destroy your marriage is she finds out. Over and done with! No chance of saving it.

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Destroy what? A relationship based on secrecy and deceit?

To the OP and anyone else contemplating cheating on their spouses, I say come clean about your desires now before you do something you will regret later. Restoring communication is the way to save your relationship. Relating honestly with an ex-wife is better than being married to a woman you're deceiving.

I know I'm not in your shoes. I know my view could be regarded as simplistic, and some will toss me into the condemn-and-judge crowd, but I'm not going to hound you on this. I'm just saying my piece once now, because it saddens me to see that so many people here think that under some circumstances it's OK to cheat. I think it's the epitome of selfishness.

lots of judgmental people here it seems.
if you feel it is wrong to cheat that is one thing. anothers values are jsut that, thier values.
also keep in mind that everyones situation is different. soetime divorce isn't an option, i can expand on that if you wish.
i could take the judgemental road and say in my opinion same sex relationships are wrong, but i don't actually think that.
what is worse, same sex relationaships or cheating on a hetro relationship ? thats up to the individual.
so really, whats the big deal ? more then 64 % of the adult hetro population cheats on a spouce in some way. you only live once, nothing worse then having regrets.
as to the "how would you feel if she cheated", that's pretty weak. if you do things based on what others think then you are really not being true to yourself. if your cheating she probably is as well, or wants to and isn't brave enough to act on it.

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Originally Posted by tenni

Some have had same sex experiences before marriage and considered it an experiment that they could put away. So, why tell the future wife..or maybe they even told and got an absolutely don't do it. They think that the urge(not desire) can be ignored and find out later in life that no ..they need it...want it. It becomes a stronger and stronger need until they are willing and desperately wanting same sex.

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Always the voice of reason, Tenni. This, of course, describes me and my world in a nut sack. Anyone who thinks that a man who realizes his homosexual desires too late can simply shut them off are out to lunch. Likewise, he who thinks he is "happily married" while compartmentalizing his same-sex adventures from his devotion to his spouse is also deceiving himself. I did that very thing for more than 15 years, assuming that I wasn't actually cheating on my beloved wife, because the men I was hooking up with had different equipment than she has.

When I finally worked up the guts to come out to her, I also assumed that my honesty would set me free, and I would be liberated to be the "real me." The "real me," as it turns out, is a lying philanderer -- bisexual, yes (but that's beside the point). I know my wife well. She always made it absolutely clear that she disapproves of cheating and demands that our relationship be monogamous. I was unable to resist my homosexual desires. My cheating started "innocently," with an undeniable curiosity, and over the years turned into a compulsion that got completely out of control.

When should I have told her? I don't know. But, please, do yourself a favor. Do not let your compulsive behavior get out of hand like I did. It's not worth it. It's selfish. It's wrong. What else can I say?

I have seen this many times. Where the guy is bi and the woman is straight as an arrow and demands he be as well. Over the years he becomes more and more unhappy and they end up getting a very nasty and bitter divorce over it when she finds out.

My openion, why invest years in a marrage where you are going to be unhappy. Open up, let her know you are bi. If she deals with it great, if she can not it's better to end it now before you or her become bitter and can not deal with each other in a sensiable manner. Do this while you are still young enough to start over with someone that can deal with it.

When my wife and I first got married she was one of those straight ones. I opened up and she got hostile. But after a while she started giving in and taking a differant look at things, especially when she realized she was losing me. She finally accepted the fact I was going to have my flings with guys when I felt like it. So she then started joining in when I would bring a guy home.

Today after surgery she is no longer interested in sex period. But sometimes when I bring a good looking guy home she will often peek in and watch for a while. Keep hoping she will open up and join in, but she just can not get arroused.

I'm in the exact same boat as you. I prefer my play as a part of a MFM. It has been frustrating to find anyone "normal" of late. I had a number of nice multi-year situations with couples over the years I've been married, but it can be difficult for many reasons I won't delve into here.

I recently opened up again to the idea of MM play (have not done it since HS), but again, finding someone trustworthy online is difficult. It seems that every time I find someone I think might be a fit, for one reason or another it doesn't happen. They turn out to be a flakes, post multiple ads online under different profiles, not showing up, wanting to do unsafe things etc. Finding a FWB male, female or couple....it's work...and that's not factoring in the stress factor of NOT getting caught......

Lots of people offering judgment here, but sometimes things aren't always so cut and dried.

My situation:

1. always had a strong sex drive, and latent bi-curiosity as a teen etc. (tried to repress it and forget about it like so many of us do)

2. I got married -- during the initial part of our marriage, my wife was into sex. Then it stopped almost completely. During counseling she admitted she never really liked sex and only did it because she knew I liked it and she feared losing me.

3. By this time, we have kids. We have a home together ... generally our marriage is good, but our sexual intimacy isn't. Many months of counseling don't really change anything. She says I have to accept her the way she is. My counselor makes me feel "wrong" for wanting sex as much as I do (I'm talking once or twice a week -- yeah, really dysfunctional!)

4. So what to do? I masturbate a lot. My bi interests come to the surface. I realize there's other married guys in similar situations. I make contact with one, and we meet up occasionally to relieve our sexual frustration together.

5. So now, I should tell me wife, right? No. Why get divorced? Most of my marriage is good. The sex is not. I'm fulfilling this need on my own. Why destroy my household and family over this?

I'm not saying my choices are correct. They're not. They're selfish and wrong. But it's something that I'm dealing with. Believe me, the guilt is huge.

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Originally Posted by secret.bisexual

o now, I should tell me wife, right? No. Why get divorced? Most of my marriage is good. The sex is not. I'm fulfilling this need on my own. Why destroy my household and family over this?

I'm not saying my choices are correct. They're not. They're selfish and wrong. But it's something that I'm dealing with. Believe me, the guilt is huge.

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I don't have a problem with your choices. I'm in a somewhat similar situation and do pretty much the same thing.

Talk honestly with her and hopefully you can work things out.
BUT...
Behind her back is... CHEATING!!!!!

:bipride:

hi ~

I wouldn't go behind her back because there are so many risks that you'll be exposing her too that it'll hopefully weigh heavy on your consciousness. If it doesn't, then you shouldn't be married.

I am married, 2 beautiful kiddos, and a baby girl on the way. I've had more than several guy on guy experiences and my wife may not know about all of them, but she knows I love being with guys and she knows I love her. Although she wasn't completely understanding at the beginning, after talking some really real topics and some time she totally understands and we have rules.

If you still want to be married and you see equal value in making love with your wife and your possible guys, then [hug]. :) I live in a fairly sexually open city with several gay bars/homo-lifestyle establishments, but I also have a career in an internationally recognizable company and in a position that makes me hesitant to act openly without care. so i understand your situation, as I read it.

With out a doubt the safest source for meeting guys is online dating sites, but please have your wife on the same page. Invite her to see that part of your life. If she's married to you then she should love you, all of you, even the characteristics about you that weren't in those childhood dream of her perfect man...... but those dreams were dreamed a long time ago and should grow towards reality. Be open, be safe, and love your life friend.

best wishes.

I think there are lots of men with the same drama as you, including myself, in fact the silent majority that will not dare to respond to your post but notwithstanding have the same feeling on incompleteness. I found that touching this topic in this forum raises lots of emotions and strong discussion but from an active minority that somehow does not face the dilemma and can not in fact make a neutral judgment on the topic. I guess the best way to have un-biased help on the topic is to search carefully through abundant discussions on the topics and find out who has what you consider the most balanced and objective guidance that can be useful for you.
Hugs
Wolf

I don't think your choices are either selfish or wrong. They are only your choices and do not make you a villain. Don't feel guilty.

There is another option that hasn’t been mentioned, death before dishonor, the final solution, cures many more than just one problem in one final desperate act out of love and concern, I wonder what the judgmental types will have to say about this one. I’ve been there, the pictures in front of me, one last final thought, it locked and loaded, spare everyone a life of pain and embarrassment. Fortunately I’m still here, I am a HAPPILY married man, 40 years, I love my wife with all my heart and soul. Unfortunately I have urges to have sex and unfortunately have to do it with men on occasion. The final solution, I made the choice, more than once, I know that she would agree that I made the right choices. I’ll try my best to make lemonade. From those folks that have thoughtful opinions and recommendations, thnak you, I’ll take any advise I can get for thought but for those who judge and attempt to inflict their views on others you can…… I do hope you never have to experience the darker side…..

My only question to you is, were you bisexual before you married her? Did you know that she was that narrow minded before you said "I Do"? My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. He told me before we married that he has been with other bisexual males. When he told me that, I must admit, it turned me on thinking about being with 2 bi men and we have played on several occasions in the past. With that said. I made him promise me before we married that if he ever wanted to be with another bi male, that we would do it together, and he has kept his word to me. Remember, If you cheat on your wife with another bi guy and get caught, you will pay the price both financially and emotionally. You also have to ask yourself, is it worth it? It's not a matter of "if" you get caught, it's a matter of "when". And from a woman's perspective, she WILL catch you. Good luck to you.