I'm just depressed....

[rolandiscool]

IDK, I just have to get this off my chest. i'm kinda really bumed out cause of what has happened to me. I had a very close college friend who i really had a crush on during the years we were together. I never did anything or even let him know that I was bi, until about a year ago. I confessed that I liked him and he was like, I'm flattered. I said I always wanted to experiment with him and it would have been a dream come true but that I know that it will never happen. he kept saying, don't say never, cause you never know. Over the past year he finally admitted he would let me give him a blow job when he was drunk and proceeded to check out my cock pics as I eventually saw his. He was amazed at my thickness and said "i want to kinda hold it." I was excited! This weekend we were supposed to get together and the entire week he has been saying, well IDK I may have to work. Today he said, yes I have to work...and after I said, well we could hang out any time during the day, he finally this evening sent me two very provocotive pictures of himself. he said I should go "enjoy myself" over them but he gave it a lot of thought and has decided he doesn't want to experiment. So now I'm kinda crushed, cause although I should have known he wasn't bi or wanted to experiment his constant, you shouldn't say never and yeah, get me drunk and you can and I want to touch yours, kinda played at my heart strings. I don't know even if I do want to hang out with him now (it's been five years since we really saw each other) and I kinda feel like the friend he just kept saying things to so that I would be there for him whenever he had a problem with his gf or life issues. I really don't know what to say, I guess I just wanted to get it out there that I'm kinda hurt (although I don't know why I should be.) And I feel like he was trying to be nice, but shouldn't have played me like that. I honestly don't think I want to really ever talk to him again because if he was my true friend I don't think he should have lead me on like that. Well....I guess there is no point to this post, I just wanted to put it out there so that at least somebody in this whole wide world knows that I'm hurt and that now more than ever I agree that most dreams NEVER come true. Should we give up dreaming? No....because we dreamed of going to the moon, writing books, making movies, and millions of other things that actually have happened. So I guess this mountain is over and eventually, 50 years (hopefully) from now when I die I'll truely know that nothing every would have happened or could have. So my question has been answered. But now I just feel bumbed and really don't feel good about myself or life. It just seems like this week has been me getting shitted on at every point...and this is just a great way to end it. Maybe my rant will make me feel better. Let us hope!

[recognize]

Don't be depressed

He was being a douche

Just like most folks who stand others up on dates

Never let your heart get involved especially if you don't know if the other person is bi or not~~that's ludicrous

Hate to say it like this, as much as you liked the guy, but maybe he had second thoughts and was too chicken shit to talk to you about them like someone mature

He wanted you to get him drunk just to try it out

Haven't heard of something like that in 13 years

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Roland honey. I dont think it was you. I honestly think it was Him. I think he was afraid to admit to himself that the prospect of being with another man frightened him, if nothing else but because he didnt want to admit that it turned him on. Maybe he had a good jack off and then thought, "Oh God, what did I just do? I got turned on over another man..."

But like he said "Never say never" Never let someone limit you like that. If you do, you'll never be able to put yourself out there with confidence and determination. And above all, Dont let him know that his actions hurt you. Talk to him, invite him to a public place for a beer or whatever. Dont bring up the subject, let him do it, and he'll talk about eventually.
You Know its rolling around in his head, he's still thinking about it or he wouldnt have broken the date.
But in the meantime, do Not give up. A very wise old friend taught me once: "Never say "I'll try" Dont try...DO" :}
Good Luck Babe.
Cat

[ghytifrdnr]

Yeah, like Cat said. Don't burn that bridge yet.

[martine]

[QUOTE=Cherokee_Mountaincat;133680][B]Roland honey. I dont think it was you. I honestly think it was Him. I think he was afraid to admit to himself that the prospect of being with another man frightened him, if nothing else but because he didnt want to admit that it turned him on. Maybe he had a good jack off and then thought, "Oh God, what did I just do? I got turned on over another man..."

yep it does happen-for the guy to let you think something hot was coming your way-he probably really got turned on after saying that-when he was alone with himself-stroking it-im sure the lights were off-probably wanted to play-just afraid hed have to claim some SMALL pleasure on his part-def. not gay- damn it was the fucking alcohol- ive been thru a handful of sits. always he sleeps thru the whole time(almost)-he did Like it-if and only if he brings it up, by phone-Well its been about a year-lets get fucked up-Im buying(him)-has girlfriend, married, really cool lady-im sworn to total secrecy-why would I spoil it! always when hes ready-strong drink opens him to me-leaves drunk, stoned-call ya later. If i call him 2 days later-he makes excuses to get off phone-hey, just calling-not gonna talk about that- months pass -all of a sudden hes ready to drop by w/Jm Beam-hes already a little drunk-taken a long time to figure it out-accept it!- just for what it is- he is bisexual, obviously looking to get together-just both of us, at least for 3,5,6, sometimes longer, almost until the sun comes up-that was3-4 months ago.

i gotta remember- this is probably tough on him, because it is more than sexual, its also a very emotional experience for him, Whether we hang out again the best thing is just let him be-dont pursue him-scares the shit out of him-although very comfortable as a man who loves men, being attracted to a married man who considers himself straight, not possibly bisexual- my frustration is the periodic sexual encounters-I find myself strongly attracted to other men like him-straight to the world-likes sex with males under a schroud of secrecy.

i know other guys gay, bi,straight, whatever who play this routine. I definitely like guys like this-Im not crazy but maybe i will be if i keep flirting with the hard to hold down. enjoy it, accept it for what it offer!

[rolandiscool]

Don't be depressed

He was being a douche

Just like most folks who stand others up on dates

Never let your heart get involved especially if you don't know if the other person is bi or not~~that's ludicrous

Hate to say it like this, as much as you liked the guy, but maybe he had second thoughts and was too chicken shit to talk to you about them like someone mature

He wanted you to get him drunk just to try it out

Haven't heard of something like that in 13 years

Actually I don't doubt that he was too chicken shit. Even in college he tended to not be mature....I'm not sure why I was ever attracted to him. But perhaps in my mind it was like, I'll be your big buddy and take care of you. And deep down perhaps that was what really turned me on about him. I agree. the more I think about it the more I realize it was his "easy way out" of it.

Roland honey. I dont think it was you. I honestly think it was Him. I think he was afraid to admit to himself that the prospect of being with another man frightened him, if nothing else but because he didnt want to admit that it turned him on. Maybe he had a good jack off and then thought, "Oh God, what did I just do? I got turned on over another man..."

But like he said "Never say never" Never let someone limit you like that. If you do, you'll never be able to put yourself out there with confidence and determination. And above all, Dont let him know that his actions hurt you. Talk to him, invite him to a public place for a beer or whatever. Dont bring up the subject, let him do it, and he'll talk about eventually.
You Know its rolling around in his head, he's still thinking about it or he wouldnt have broken the date.
But in the meantime, do Not give up. A very wise old friend taught me once: "Never say "I'll try" Dont try...DO" :}
Good Luck Babe.
Cat

Thank's cat. Although I agree to not let someone limit my life, making someone want you is something you just can't snap your fingers and it will happen. I'm pretty sure it will never happen and my only way of handling it will be to forget the whole idea, pick my heart up, and move along. If he decides he wants to talk about it, okay. But I'm not going to pine over him and pest him day and night asking for a second "first" chance. The funny thing is I know that he constantly gets texts and whenever he REALLY has an issue he'll send me a million of them. But if I start talking anything sexual it's oh...can't talk. Or just a total ignoring of me. So I figure I won't cry because I can't go to the mountain. If it wants it bad enough it will come to me. I guess in the end I now have closure. I know it wasn't going to happen. I tried, it didn't happen, and so I can move on. However, perhaps, in the grand scheme of life, if all IS fair....now for the rest of his life he'll be haunted with the "what if I just would have done it..." thought.

Anyways. Thanks for the support guys. It does help to know others are willing to let you vent to them. They are true friends!


Also, sorry I haven't been on in several months. I've just been dealing with crazy work schedules and other things!

[biplayfulcouple]

something jumps out at me here................you havent seen him in 5yrs! OMG! how good of "pals" could you be, if you guys dont even hang out, do stuff socially together? it would be a lot easier for "stuff" to happen, if yall were at least socially friends and seeing one another. oh, another thing, it sounds like you are carrying a huge torch and setting yourself up for a big let down, if your friend does play, but then doesnt want to continue the sexual side of your relationship. of course thats the risk that we all take when we open ourselves up to someone.

[rolandiscool]

well we were really good friends in college and over the past two years reconnected online. We live about 40 miles a part now.

[DiamondDog]

It sounds like the guy never even ever wanted sex with you or any man at all in the first place, and then you kept pressuring him and he sent you pics of his cock since he didn't want to let you down but ultimatley he does not want sex with men.

Find someone else who actually wants sex with you, who isn't a tease, and who isn't so immature.

[M. Wolfe]

I consider myself a principled guy, so if I think that when someone says "Year sure I guess, I could be convinced-" especially when it gets someone really worked up and brimming with anticipation, you shouldn't be able to take it back. You may decide that you don't wanna do it, but that's too bad because you've made your bed and now you have to sleep in it - just grin and bear it.

In his position I think the fair thing would've been to say "I don't particularly want to do this any more but I said I would and I will because it's not fair to you otherwise." Where is one's sense of decency?

[rolandiscool]

I consider myself a principled guy, so if I think that when someone says "Year sure I guess, I could be convinced-" especially when it gets someone really worked up and brimming with anticipation, you shouldn't be able to take it back. You may decide that you don't wanna do it, but that's too bad because you've made your bed and now you have to sleep in it - just grin and bear it.

In his position I think the fair thing would've been to say "I don't particularly want to do this any more but I said I would and I will because it's not fair to you otherwise." Where is one's sense of decency?

That's my thoughts exactly. But maturity wasn't his big point. However as I figured after a bit of time I'm pretty much over it now. Which is a good thing. However I'm still unsure as to how to continue (if I should) a friendship (or anything) with him now that this has happened. He hasn't talked to me since, but I have a feeling in a few days after some bad shit happens in his life I'll be getting text messages. So how do I respond? Do I still remain his friend after he hurt my feelings (although he may not consider that he has hurt my feelings.) Do I tell him that it did upset me and I really don't wanna talk to him anymore because he played with my emotions? Or do I just act like nothing bad has happened and not consider him a possible fuck buddy?

[rolandiscool]

It sounds like the guy never even ever wanted sex with you or any man at all in the first place, and then you kept pressuring him and he sent you pics of his cock since he didn't want to let you down but ultimatley he does not want sex with men.

Find someone else who actually wants sex with you, who isn't a tease, and who isn't so immature.

Although I also thought about this, he actually said in an IM session that he really liked seeing my cock and wanted to touch it. So I'm not sure if I pressured him or not? He also said that he was open to learning about other things because he knows that gay sex can be very pleasurable. So I'm not really sure about that one.

[M. Wolfe]

That's my thoughts exactly. But maturity wasn't his big point. However as I figured after a bit of time I'm pretty much over it now. Which is a good thing. However I'm still unsure as to how to continue (if I should) a friendship (or anything) with him now that this has happened. He hasn't talked to me since, but I have a feeling in a few days after some bad shit happens in his life I'll be getting text messages. So how do I respond? Do I still remain his friend after he hurt my feelings (although he may not consider that he has hurt my feelings.) Do I tell him that it did upset me and I really don't wanna talk to him anymore because he played with my emotions? Or do I just act like nothing bad has happened and not consider him a possible fuck buddy?

I have a friend who's hurt my feelings on more than one occasion, also someone I've long wanted to experiment with and he knows that. The problem with friends is that they are human and are incapable of perfection. My friend has hurt me out of thoughtlessness but not out of any ill-will - he's just a thoughtless person and that's not altogether his fault so can I hold it against him? Maybe. I however do not, but I would be remiss if I wasn't upfront about issues. Relationships often die because people are unwilling to be honest about uncomfortable issues. So I'd ask you, ignoring your physical attraction to this person, do you like them as a friend? Basically if you think the friendship is worth salvaging, explain the situation. Be genuine but not pathetic.

[Shhhhh 47/F/usa]

I consider myself a principled guy, so if I think that when someone says "Year sure I guess, I could be convinced-" especially when it gets someone really worked up and brimming with anticipation, you shouldn't be able to take it back. You may decide that you don't wanna do it, but that's too bad because you've made your bed and now you have to sleep in it - just grin and bear it.

In his position I think the fair thing would've been to say "I don't particularly want to do this any more but I said I would and I will because it's not fair to you otherwise." Where is one's sense of decency?

What? I'm very sorry this man led you on. Anticipation then rejection can be quite painful when the heart is involved. However, I disagree with the notion that a person has some kind of obligation to perform an act they showed interest in. The guy thought it through and changed his mind. There is nothing wrong with that. I do agree that he was immature about the whole thing. He wasn't being mindful of how his words would effect you. Very selfish of him.

[M. Wolfe]

What? I'm very sorry this man led you on. Anticipation then rejection can be quite painful when the heart is involved. However, I disagree with the notion that a person has some kind of obligation to perform an act they showed interest in. The guy thought it through and changed his mind. There is nothing wrong with that. I do agree that he was immature about the whole thing. He wasn't being mindful of how his words would effect you. Very selfish of him.

Well maybe, at least for more significant acts, but if we were talking a kiss or receiving a bj while drunk aren't as bigger deal so I think he certainly should have just toughened up and taken it. He probably would've liked it anyway, and even if he didn't then at least he knows.

[csrakate]

For the life of me, I can't find the pleasure or satisfaction of being with someone who had "toughened up and taken it". No one should ever do anything that they aren't comfortable with....no matter how trite you think it may be.

[DiamondDog]

Although I also thought about this, he actually said in an IM session that he really liked seeing my cock and wanted to touch it. So I'm not sure if I pressured him or not? He also said that he was open to learning about other things because he knows that gay sex can be very pleasurable. So I'm not really sure about that one.

I'd avoid him but I've encountered people like him before and if they are capable of having a friendship with someone else, that's fine but I would not get sexually or romantically involved with them.

He doesn't seem like that good of a friend to begin with or like someone who even knows how to be someone's friend.

He seems like one of those people that expects other people to play personal therapist for them or who likes to dump ALL of their personal drama into other people's lives.

I do not know the guy at all, but this is only based on what you have written about him here on this site.

Does he even know that you hurt his feelings?

Most people are not mind readers so I doubt he knows you feel this way about him.

Did you ever tell him something like: "I thought you did want sex with me? If you really did not, why didn't you just say so from the start? I would not have been angry if you just told the truth, or even if you just said Sorry I don't think this is going to work out or you are not my type."

I think it's OK that he changed his mind and decided that he really didn't want to do it, but I find the whole situation to be odd in the first place.

If you wanted him as just a possible fuck buddy why did you let your emotions get all tangled up with him?

Find someone else who is out and knows who they are, is not such a tease, and who is sexually attracted to you and you are attracted to them.

Don't let this guy get you down, there are other people and they are out there. Find them.

[NEPHX]

rolandiscool, I see a lot of different emotions from you in your posts. I see at least two possible positions or combos.. you are romantically attracted &/or sexually attracted. But you seem to say (without me dissecting your posts word for word) that you were close friends in college but also that he usually used you to talk about his problems. What did you really get out of it? Maybe more than you thought/think or maybe less? Fun to go out with, fun to talk with about your dreams, etc. Or, maybe its just sexual attraction and you want to get in his pants and send him on his way.... or both; you'd love to get intimate with him.

I have a friend (I'll call him Hank) who I actually dated for a while in LA who chased this str8 guy for over 3 YEARS. But the guy couldn't decide if he wanted the sexual part.... it tortured Hank. But then the guy would go out and meet women, date and have sex with them JUST to prove he was not gay (he would tell Hank this). But, then go right back to Hank, they'd make out, act like a couple all over town and at home. But he would never have "sex." By all estimations, he was a "gay" or "bi" as they come to everyone else. (I don't mean fem, just male couple oriented).

So, the example is the guy couldn't figure out what he wanted and regardless of how much in love with the guy Hank was, Hank wanted and needed a lover and a friend in one person. The guy could never commit to Hank's real needs. He broke Hank's heart OVER AND OVER. I get to hear about it still even to 4-5 years later - his name still comes up.

You can desire this guy and let it kill you or move on. Accept it... be his friend but on your own terms.... If he matures, grows into his potential sexuality that works with you, still be cautious. He could (and probably will) hurt you again.... and again... He isn't bi if he says he's not...Doesn't mean he can't someday accept it or come out to himself. We are what we say/think we are.

I agree with others. Find someone you like and are attracted too that can't wait to rip your freakin clothes off and there is no question that he wants to be sexual with you!!!

[rissababynta]

For the life of me, I can't find the pleasure or satisfaction of being with someone who had "toughened up and taken it". No one should ever do anything that they aren't comfortable with....no matter how trite you think it may be.

Agreed...I think the thought of him biting the bullet and doing something he doesn't feel comfortable with is ridiculous.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Well, hopefully after reading all of these responces, you arent depressed anymore Sugar! lol
Hope you are feeling better about the situatioin and that it'll all work itsself out in the end..(No pun intended )
Cat :}

[rolandiscool]

It does make me feel better cat. I'm already over him, and moved on. I figured out that I was his emotional crutch. When his life sucked he had me to lean on and so that I would stay he through the preverbial "bone" to give me a "bone" (pun INTENDED) thereby ensuring my services as a friend/psychatrist would remain intact. So now I've realized no use pineing over it...more important things to bitch at...like why my fucking bank gave me a 74 dollar overdraft because what I deem a mistake on their part...however they don't seem to see it that way....Spread the word that Citizens bank of MA is going bankrupt! (everyone run on thos fuckers! ) hahaha

[rolandiscool]

It does make me feel better cat. I'm already over him, and moved on. I figured out that I was his emotional crutch. When his life sucked he had me to lean on and so that I would stay he through the preverbial "bone" to give me a "bone" (pun INTENDED) thereby ensuring my services as a friend/psychatrist would remain intact. So now I've realized no use pineing over it...more important things to bitch at...like why my fucking bank gave me a 74 dollar overdraft because what I deem a mistake on their part...however they don't seem to see it that way....Spread the word that Citizens bank of MA is going bankrupt! (everyone run on those fuckers! ) hahaha