Conflicted thoughts about being bisexual

**Footstep40** · May 10, 2024, 4:35 PM

I have been in a pretty serious relationship with a guy since my divorce over 2 years ago. Last weekend, after a romantic evening out, we got home, we were going to go soak in the hot tub, he took forever to come out with some wine, he hopped in with me, gave me a kiss then asked me to marry him. He had the ring and everything.. I said yes! Of course! Then we had some amazing fun, good thing the neighbors can?t see, and isn?t quite window open season yet.

I woke up the next day next to him, and started having some mild anxiety. I don?t remember having that previously at all. I was over thinking everything, who to invite, what are we going to wear, what is this going to look like in 30 years? and am I still Bi? My fianc? is gay, is being married to a gay man remove my bi card? I love being bi, but I love him more, I know rational me, is saying ?stop freaking out, it doesn?t matter?, but does it?

sorry, I need to put this out there, kind of stressed and losing my shit.

**KDaddy23** · May 11, 2024, 5:37 AM

Your "bi card" is safe; having a fianc? who's gay doesn't invalidate it so I wouldn't worry about it.

**marine20** · May 11, 2024, 9:18 AM

one of the big questions is , is he still going to let you have sex with women . i'm sure you're going to want to sooner or later. do you know how he feels about that ?

**Footstep40** · May 11, 2024, 3:08 PM

Thanks KDaddy! I think I just needed to hear that from someone not involved, as I said I’m freaking out a bit! Thank goodness my therapist had an opening for the day after tomorrow.

Marine20, we’ve had that conversation actually, he’s been very supportive and open, things could change, cross that bridge when we get there. Although at this moment, I can’t fathom sleeping with a woman, other men? Absolutely! He has no problem with that so, we’ll see!
Thanks for your responses!

**elian2** · May 12, 2024, 11:22 PM

Yes, I always wonder if I'm good enough for my BF in terms of the fact that bringing up being bi is always sort of awkward. But I love him, I've always liked guys more anyway, and I really want to be with him for the foreseeable future.

Since you already have an open relationship that much be a good sign he's secure enough in his identity and your relationship that he's not bothered much.

You know him better than I do. As awkward as it seems if I was going to marry someone I might have that conversation if I really thought I needed pussy. The reality is, I love this man more than I love body parts anyway.

**KDaddy23** · May 13, 2024, 12:55 AM

One lesson in life that I learned is that if you don't have confidence, you don't have anything. You have to know that you're good enough for your guy because if you weren't, you wouldn't be with him - he'd be with someone else. If you're bi, then that's what you are so any conversations about your bisexuality shouldn't be awkward. My former boyfriend was as gay as all get out and I was bisexual forever and none of the conversations we had about sexuality were awkward because our relationship wasn't about our sexuality. Or, like, one night, he mentioned that I wasn't gay and all I said was, "You didn't say that an hour ago..." and I think he hurt himself laughing and he did say that where it counted, I was "gay enough."

Awkward or uncomfortable had no place in our relationship; he ran that "not good enough" crap past me and I can guarantee you that he never did it again because I told him that if I thought he wasn't good enough, we wouldn't be together and that he needed to be confident in himself because I was confident in him. Then I screwed his brains out, put them back in his head, and screwed them out again then asked, "Do you feel good enough now?"

Apparently he did. Our differing sexualities was never a bone of contention between us because it shouldn't ever be when you're in love.

**Footstep40** · May 15, 2024, 10:48 AM

My man doesn’t have a problem with me being bi, thankfully, we do have some in our circle that act like they do, but we do tend laugh it off. He’s certainly stood up for me to a few. One of the many reasons I love him.
Elian, thank you for your kind words! I’m the same way and have always been more into men than women.

Kdaddy, thank you! You’re always so fucking right. I appreciate you!!

I’m chalking this up to pre-wedding jitters!
Now time to freak out about the planning!!
Any ideas? I wasn’t allowed to plan much of my previous wedding, thankfully no mother in law to take over on this one.